=}

This is a touching story :D

The Dolls of Love

I have a boyfriend who grew up with me. His name is Jin. I always thought of him as a friend until last year, when we went to a trip from a club. I found that I fell in love with him.

Before that trip was over, I took a step and confessed my love for him. And soon, we became a pair of lovers, but we loved each other in different ways. I always concentrated on him only, but by his side, there were so many other girls. To me, he was the only one, but to him, maybe I was just another girl…

“Jin, do you want to go watch a movie?” I asked.
“I can’t”
“Why? You need to study at home?” I felt disappointment
grabbing me.

“No… I am going to meet a friend…”

He was always like that. He met girls in front of me, like it was nothing. To him, I was just a girlfriend. The word ‘love’ only came out from my mouth. Since I knew him, I had never heard him say ‘I love you’ before. To us, there weren’t any anniversaries at all.
He didn’t say anything from the first day and it continued till 100 days…200days… Everyday, before we say goodbye, he would just hand me a doll, everyday, without fail. I don’t know why…

Then one day…
Me: Um, Jin, I …
Jin: What…don’t drag, just say..
Me: I love you.
Jin: ……you….um, just take this doll and go home.
That was how he ignored my ‘three words’ and handed me the doll. Then he disappeared, like he was running away. The dolls I received from him everyday, filled my room, one by one. There were many…
Then one day came, my 15th year old birthday. When I got up in the morning, I pictured a party with him, and stranded myself in my room, waiting for his call. But… lunch passed, dinner passed… and soon the sky was dark… he still didn’t call. It was already tiring to look at the phone anymore. Then around 2am in the morning, he suddenly called me and woke me from my sleep. He told me to come out of the house. Still, I felt joy and I ran out happily.

Me: Jin…
Jin: Here…take this…
Again, he handed me a little doll.
Me: What’s this?
Jin: I didn’t give it to you yesterday, so I am giving it to you now. I’m going home now, bye.
Me: Wait, wait! Do you know what today is?
Jin: Today? Huh?
I felt so sad, I thought he would remember my birthday. He turned around and walked away like nothing had happen.Then I shouted… “Wait…”
Jin: You have something to say?
Me: Tell me, tell me you love me…
Jin: What?!
Me: Tell me

I put my pathetic self behind and clung on to him. But he just said simple cold words and left.
“I don’t want to say…that I love someone so easily, if you are desperate to hear it, then find someone else.”
That was what he said. Then he ran off. My legs felt numb… and I collapsed to the ground. He didn’t want to say it easily… How could he…. I felt that… Maybe he is not the right guy for me…

After that day, I stranded myself at home crying, just crying. He didn’t call me, although I was waiting. He just continued handing me a little doll every morning outside my house. That’s how those dolls piled up in my room… everyday
After a month, I got myself together and went to school. But what made the pain resurface was that… I saw him on a street… with another girl… He had a smile on his face, one that he never showed me…as he touched the doll… I ran straight back home and looked at the dolls in my room, and tears fell… Why did he gave these to me… Those dolls are probably picked out by some other girls…In a fit of anger, I threw the dolls around. Then suddenly, the phone rang. It was him.
He told me to come out to the bus stop outside my house. I tried to calm myself down and walked to the bus stop. I kept reminding myself that I am going to forget him, that… it’s going to end. Then he came into my sight, holding a big doll.

Jin: Jo, I thought you were pissed, you really came?
I couldn’t help hating him, acting like nothing had happen and joking around. Soon, he held out the doll as usual…
Me: I don’t need it.

Jin: What….why…
I grabbed the doll from his hands and threw it on the road.
Me: I don’t need this doll, I don’t need it anymore!! I don’t want to see a person like you again!

I spitted out all the words that were inside me. But unlike other days, his eyes very shaking.
“I’m sorry”
He apologized in a tiny voice.
He then walked over to the road to pick up the doll…
Me: You stupid! Why are you picking up the doll?! Just throw it away!!!

But he ignored me and just went to pick the doll. Then…

Honk~ Honk~
With a loud honk, a big truck was heading towards him.
“Jin! Move! Move away!” I shouted…
But he didn’t hear me, he squatted down and picked up the doll.
“Jin, move!”
HONK~!!
“Boom!” That sound, so terrifying.
That’s how he went away from me.
That’s how he went away without even opening his eyes to say one word to me.
After that day, I had to go through everyday with guiltiness and the sadness of losing him… And after spending two months like a crazy person… I took out the dolls.

Those were the only gifts he left me since the day we started going out. I remembered the days I spent with him and started to count the days… when we were in love…

“One…two… three…”
That was how… I started to count the dolls…
“Four hundred and eighty four… four hundred and eighty
five…”
It all ended with 485 dolls.
I then started to cry again, with a doll in my arms. I hugged it tightly, then suddenly…

“I love you~, I love you~”
I dropped the dolls,shocked.

“I….lo..ve…you??”
I picked up the dolls and pressed its stomach.

“I love you~ I love you~”
It can’t be! I pressed all the dolls’ stomach as it piled on the side.
“I love you~”

“I love you~”
“I love you~”
Those words came out non-stop. I…love you… Why didn’t I realize that….That his heart was always by my side, protecting me. Why didn’t I realize that he love me this much… I took out the doll under the bed and pressed it’s stomach,
that was the last doll, the one that fell on the road. It had his blood stain on it. The voice came out, the on that I was missing so much…

“Jo…Do you know what today is? We’ve been loving each other for 486 days. Do you know what 486 is? I couldn’t say I love you…. Um… since I was too shy… If you forgive me and take this doll, I will say that I love you… everyday… till I die… Jo… I love you…”

The tears came flowing out of me. Why? Why? I asked god, why do I only know about all this now? He can’t be by my side, but he loved me until his last minute…

For that… and for that reason… to me… it became courage… to live a beautiful life….

this is a nice song :D

T_T

today is an emo day =/
Flunked science test.
AND YES
we had duet during guitar today.
Me and choonkhee were playing songs while singing to it ^_^
[that cheers me up]
But after that, we started going emo again.
We were like saying what if we cannot get into 3/1 - 3/4 how ! T_T

I'm pissed at someone for random reason =/

Then after guitar, me and choon went to macs for dinner.
She was feeling so emo, nice me decided to cheer her up.
So I took the "Special offer" round sticker and pasted it on choon :D
AND miraculously she allowed me to take unglam pictures of her.
I shall post it the next time I feels happy.

Graph test tmr, hope I'll ace it =)

:D

I finally went back to school ! xD
With extra duper pain stomachache -.-
And passed my english test.
I'm so happy worhzxzxz :D
And er oh ya !
Miss Sin tested some of us today during guitar.
AND AND AND luckily I passed [:

I shall seriously create a timetable because I keep forgetting I have dental on monday and EP project and Drama project and Chinese project -.-

Hahahs oh and um I'm stuck ! T___T I forgot to bring back the paper where all the geog research are ):
And everyone seems to forget what are the categories too ):

Choonkhee and Baoyi;; the two monkehs ! :D

:O

Wheesh !
I'm actually posting in blogger buddy ! [Available for window vista only], you know the widget at the side.
AHHAS :D

And sheesh !
I'm having stomacache now, I feel naseous[sp?] and I think i'm going to die any moment cause my stomach's hurting and whenever I see food, I will feel more like puking my Mac dinner all out -.-

Today during guitar miss sin was being mean. =(

Posting here is so not nice because it's uber small and I can't see a single shyt -.-

MY STOMACH IS KILLING ME DD:

EP YESTERDAY ! :D

We all arrived at East Coast Park but in the end it rained =___=
So we all went to Hillary's house.
Slacked there, watching teevee, mapling, audi-ing and playing with her dog xD
Ate Pizza for dinenr ! [Thanks Hillary ! Are we supposed to even pay you? :X ]
We filmed till 12 plus (as usual -.-) and then we shared a cab home.
It was limosine kind can ! xD

[for more interesting posts, go choon's blog xP ]


I spent the whole morning doing this -.-

You people are being jerks.
Promised to help and come.
Making me look forward to tomorrow's EP project.
Now everything's screwed.
Just because of your one mistake.
damn you.
you might as well go and die.
talk about responsibility?
I think you suck at it >: (
If I found out the reason why you don't wanna come,
and it's some lame excuse,
I'll make sure I'll never talk to you ever again.
And don't expect to see me at APS ever again.

WHEESH o.o
See the time now.
AND here I am blogging ;D

I tell ya !
Today's waffles was horrible because it was all soggy ):
Again, I flunked my chinese.
toopid zhang lao shi.
Can't she just let me get flying colours D:

EP project this saturday!
I can't wait hurhur o.o

Today during guitar, we were playing "You Raise Me Up" & "If We Hold On Together" ;D
Damm nice can !
So nice until me and choon wanted to cry -.-


Me and Odelia's shadows. [IGNORE THAT SCARY STATUE BEHIND -.-]

It's officially 1 year since promenade passed.
I miss promenade laah ):
Talking to Odelia and Hillary on msn.
They were saying too how much they missed promenade.
Hearing the promenade songs makes me sad and feel like crying ):
Especially "Journey" since it was like played by the guitar ensemble =/

I'm currently having stomachache and that choonkhee is officially mean person because she was supposed to wait for the taxi for me but she pangseh-ed me and went home. HMPF >: (

Below is something stupid hillary said;;

mellied makes me a happy person :D says:
so.
mellied makes me a happy person :D says:
if you didn't see what i said
mellied makes me a happy person :D says:
ask choonkhee
mellied makes me a happy person :D says:
or baoyi
mellied makes me a happy person :D says:
which is quite retarded.
mellied makes me a happy person :D says:
hohohoo
mellied makes me a happy person :D says:
okay bye

HAHAHHA OHKAY THAT'S SERIOUSLY RETARDED o.o

I feel like our ex-clique is getting back together again, which I'm happy because we're always happy together and that we share many happy memories
<3 Choonkhee <3 Hillary <3 Odelia <3 CHOB ! [ex-clique name]

Today at school was uber funny -___-
me and choonkhee were practically sleeeping o.o
EP project on sat and CIP on sun, obviously will be tired RIGGGGHT ):

EP project again this saturday.
Find people who are free.
Please contact me via sms or email.
THANKS (:

Went Palawan Beach at sentosa with hillary, choonkhee and odelia for EP project yesterday.
It was so kewl caaan :D
So long never go to the beach already :X

Here are some pictures :]

GROUP PHOTO :D


CHOONKHEE AND ME xP


FEETS IN SEA =D


ODELIA & ME !


ODELIA & ME IN THE DARK o.o


INTRODUCING CHOONKHEE THE GHOST xD


HILLARY THE CARMERA SHY PERSON D:

Went to CIP today to sell pebbled necklaces.
We went to clark quay, chinatown and vivo city but in the end we sold all at clark quay.
THANKS TO THOSE AMERICANS aka TOURISTS who bought it from us. you people rawks xP


CHOONKHEE;;BAOYI;;SWEEYING

I'm super duper uber pissed >: (
I mean like WTH laaahs.
Need help that time all say cannot ._.
Toopid EP project.
I HATE IT ! >: (

I hereby announce that CHOONKHEE is a nice soul who always let me take the window seat in the bus while she sits outside.
But nice me has gave up my window seat to her. [just for today]
HEHS :D

AND JW aka JIANWEI aka miru's crush !
You're the meanest person I've ever seen >: (

Thanks ruiying aka nuer for spamming my tagboard -.-
Yesyes, you said you wanted to tell me something today [according to my tagboard] but apparently you forgot D:

Today so dao mei =/
During chinese, I hit my specs and one of the lens dropped out.
So apparently, this was what happened.

Me : Eh, what thingy fly out ah?
Choon: [Lauging madly to herself] HAHAHHA YOUR SPECS LENS.
Me: haha where got ?
*Choonkhee then stick her finger through the hole -.-*
Me: HAHA OMG HELP ME FIND !

And toopid choonkhee couldn't stop laughing for the whole chinese lesson =/
Moral of the story : to wear contacts everyday =____=

I shouldn't have rebutted back at her.
Me and my toopid mouth and brain.
But I was of no wrong.
Because I seriously couldn't hear.
I hate myself.
I hate myself.
I seriously do T_T

I'm seriously very disappointed in myself.
What has become of me?
Why did I change so much?
Once again, I hate myself ._.

GOSH :O
Today I embarrassed myself in the bus.
And the woman in front turned back to stare at me.
SHEESH.

Choonkhee is officially a scarycat :D
Firstly,she shrieked and jumped up when I BOO-ED her when she came out of the washroom.
HEHS.
It was uber funny [:
Never knew she herself was so scared.
Too bad her scaring methods never work on me [:

So sad luh cannot take bus with choon and eat waffle with her.
Now from 4 days of taking bus together has reduced to 3 days.
No more waffles roffles fun time D:

I should pay more attention in class ._.
Or else sooner or later Kelly's going to come with a knife and kill me =/
She keep asking me questions and I keep replying "what? sorry I wasn't listening"
I feel so guilty laaaaah D:
Super uber sorry Kelly ! ~
I will not let my sitting partner down anymore =/

HAHA omgosh !
I just saw the show and they almost did THAT.
HAHAHAS.
Bet choonkhee will go all goo-goo-ga-ga when she saw that *wink wink nudge nudge*

WOOSH !
I'm so going to repair my phone or else it will take me a million years to reply a sms T_T

Jiayous all in chionging homework, tatas and god bless ! :D

Here are the pictures that I promised xP


me and choonkhee. My teeth looks like there's vege stuck on them ._. toopid green braces >: (

chooney aka frenchfry !

x33 tw0-one guitar clique [:

MIHANNA and me :D

Ruiying and me =]

HAPPY 14th BIRTHDAY TO ME

Firstly, I would like to thank all 2/1-ers for your wonderful well wishes, CHIJ guitar ensemble for the b'day song[All ur fault la Phyllis >: ( ] and non other than mapleee friends [:
Thanks for all your presents [:

The SJI-CJC guitar concert was the bombzxzxzxz [:
All of us were so nervous before we got up, but after realising that it's our one and only chance performing this very day, I guess we all sorta got less tense and played better.
I swear the running notes in Pasko was uber fast ~.~
Before the concert started, I saw someone whom I didn't want to see, damm you >: (
Best 14th birthday I ever had. Hehs.

** Post pictures tmr [:

Tks Ruiying for ur early b'day present[: (I haven't opened them yet, left them in school and you said I was supposed to wait for you to reach school then I can open =/)

Tks Miru and jw for ur advance b'day present too !
The soft toy so cute, and the card is super cute too !
Did you people realise that the dog bone is detachable from the dog? LOL !

2 more hours to the very wonderful 14th b'day and to the guitar concert.
HEHS !
I FEEL SO HIGH AND BLISSFUL LIKE A NUGGET[CHOON CALLS ME A NUGGET ._.] AND I KNOW LA FRENCHFRY[CHOONKHEE]DON'T NEED TO BE JEALOUS LA[:

HEHS I STILL MISS MY PHONE ]:
SO DO NOT sms or call me ._.

DO NOT CALL OR SMS ME!
PHONE KENA CONFISCATED.
WANNA FIND ME CALL ERRRRR
JUST EMAIL ME =/
baoyi27@hotmail.com

If I ever die you know what happens =/
WORST B'DAY WEEK I EVER HAD.
2 more days nia and such things happen.
FREAK IT >: (